Category Archives: free speech

Jessica, meet Jennifer.


This is not the first, nor will it be the last, consumer-generated parody of the MasterCard “Priceless” campaign.

But it may be the most awesome.

First, there is its sheer destructive power. The detonation of this twenty megaton shame-bomb means lowlife Michael and his new girlfriend are done in Greensboro, a conservative town even by North Carolina standards.

The part about funding the media buy with the marital investment account heaps financial retribution on top of the shame.

But my favorite part is the throwaway line at the bottom: “Tell Jessica you’re moving in.”

How brilliant is that! In five words it says, I’m throwing you the hell out of my house, and by the way I know everything about your ho—her name, where she lives, her original hair color…everything. And don’t think I won’t use the information.”

Thanks to AdFreak for finding this gem.

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The speech is free. The media buy’s gonna cost you.

I get paid to turn the business priorities of large companies into messages that influence how people think.

It puts bread on the table, children through college, and the occasional smile on my face.

So you’d think, when the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 this week that corporations were entitled to the same First Amendment rights as individual citizens, that I’d be as happy as Newt Gingrich.

I’m not.

For Justices Kennedy, Alito, Roberts, Scalia and Thomas, let me point out some differences between people and corporations.

People have feelings, beliefs, hopes and fears. Corporations do not.

People have families. Corporations do not.

People have morals. Corporations do not.

People are mortal. Corporations, properly managed, can live forever.

People speak their minds in barber shop or blogs. Corporations buy TV commercials.

Do you really want to give an entity that has no obligation to do anything in this world except make money the right of free speech?

When I write an ad, I can’t lie. I can’t say using the competitor’s calling plan leads to genital herpes. Why? Not because it’s not true. Not because my client company doesn’t like telling fibs. The reason I can’t make stuff up is because my client can get sued and lose a boatload of money. Corporations don’t like getting sued.

But now any company or trade group with the money can pour millions of dollars into baseless lies about “issues” and candidates with no fear of legal or financial exposure.
Nice job, Supremes. Nice job.